


Whoops

by mybooksluvme



Category: Marvel, Voltron: Legendary Defender, batfam - Fandom
Genre: I'm sorry to anyone reading this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 21:00:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16940658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybooksluvme/pseuds/mybooksluvme
Summary: The Everything Cat is called in for a special case. It gets weird.This was a writing assignment for my English class, and my friend wanted me to post it, so here we are. Btw, the Everything Cat is the meme of the cat with no legs. My partner/friend made him up.





	Whoops

There he was. Detective Everything, sitting at his desk, flipping through case files. The only noise in the room was the buzzing of the fan. He then took a drag of marijuana, relishing in the feel of the burning sensation. The case he was studying was the Scranton Strangler. He then sipped his soothingly warm tea, contemplating the Bohr model of a carbon atom. 

BBBBRRRRRNNNNNNGGGGGG

The cell phone rang, startling Detective Everything out of his peaceful slump. He picked up the phone, marveling at how loud the human voice could go. 

“HELLO? IS THIS THE PET DETECTIVE?” The voice said. 

“Yes, this is the Everything Cat, head of the Pet Detective Services,” Everything replied. “How may I be of service to you?”

“My name is Dick and-”

“Wait, your name’s Dick?”

“Yes, my name is Dick, now let me continue with the story. My wiener dog Gregory has been murdered!”

“Where?!” 

“The Tony Stark Mansion. You know that big place that overlooks the entire city?”

“Of course I know where that is, everyone knows where that is.”

“All right, well hurry!”

“I’m on the way.”  
uWu

It was dank and rainy when Everything arrived at the Mansion. He finally saw the face of Dick. He was a tan skinned muscular man with bright blue eyes and dark hair. 

“HURRY UP HGBFDYUIKCFTYDUJTSHOOKASHOOKA!!!!!!”

Everything rolled his eyes and followed the crazed man up the stairs of the mansion. There he saw two humans, a furry, and some ball of hair that he identified as a quokka. The cat steadily walked to the mob. 

He commanded “Everybody back up this is a crime scene.” The first thing he saw was a mauled wiener dog. There was blood on the walls and it was stained in the carpet. He glanced at the spray pattern of the bodily fluid. Obviously the jugular had been cut. He started examining the beloved, dead pet with his magnifying glass. 

Dick wept, “How did Gregory die, Detective?” Sniffling through each word, “Who would kill a wiener?” 

Detective Everything glanced at the mangled, bloody, shredded, corpse too find a morsel of claw belonging to some sort of feline.He realized that the culprit was a cat. Everything looked around and saw the furry who was a mix with a cat. It had to be her.

“It was the girl… furry, thing, whatever she is,” Everything said to Dick, who snapped his head towards her.

“HECTOR, HOW COULD YOU KILL GREGORY???!!!” Dick screamed.

“It wasn’t Hector!” The man, who was obviously Tony Stark exclaimed, “Yes, it’s her job to hunt down dogs, and yes she hates those creatures, but… wait did you do it Hector?”

“What! No, I didn’t kill Gregory! I would never hurt Dick’s dog!” Hector cried.

The girl who was hiding behind Tony suddenly spoke out, “Well, the only logical solution to this would be you. You recently clipped your claws off, and you’ve been out a lot lately. Most likely to avoid the guilt of killing Gregory.”

Everything nodded. “Kid’s got brains.”

Stark beamed. “Pidge’s my girl.” He ruffled her short choppy hair fondly. Pidge squeaked, but she was smiling. 

“Are we just gonna ignore the fact that everyone in this room thinks I’m a murderer?” Hector snapped, crossing her arms. 

“Not everyone,” Pidge said, “LaFonda has been awfully quiet.” 

“The quokka can talk?” Everything asked.

“Well, if you can talk, so can a quokka,” Pidge said matter of factly. 

Everything shrugged because she was right, as always. 

Suddenly a small squeaky voice spoke up. “Just because I’ve been quiet doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion. I think Hector’s innocent.”

“Oh, I thought your quokka was a boy,” Everything mumbled, but everyone heard him because he’s bad at being quiet. 

“I am a boy,” LaFonda said with a scowl. It wasn’t intimidating though. Everything resisted the urge to squeeze him he was so cute. 

“Hello!” Hector was an impatient sourpuss.

“Well, to start off, why did you clip your nails Hector?” Everything inquired. 

“They were getting long,” she stated, the ‘you dumb butt’ implied but not said. 

“Where did you put them for safe keeping?”

Hector frowned, “…Why would I keep my nails that are no longer attached to my body?”

“Wait, it isn’t normal for people to keep their fingernails?” When he was met with confused stares and silence, he continued. 

“Then why do the mothers and fathers of families keep their children’s teeth?” Everything asked in confusion. 

Tony glanced down at Pidge. She looked like she was figuring something out. 

“Wait, the tooth fairy isn’t real???!!! You’ve been lying to me my entire life Dad!!” Pidge screeched. 

“Back to the subject: where are your clipped nails?” Everything interrupted before things got out of hand. 

“In the trash can in my room.” Again, the insult was implied at the end of her sentence. 

“Someone guide me to Hector’s living quarters,” Detective instructed.

Dick was still crying and glaring at Hector, but he led the way, everyone following behind like a caravan. When they arrived, Everything went straight to the trash can and dumped it out. The only thing that fell out was nine long claws. 

“One’s missing!” Pidge said in a shocked voice. 

“Thanks Captain Obvious,” the Detective mumbled. He still hadn’t gotten better at being quiet. 

“It seems that Hector has been framed. The claws don’t have blood stained on them, and one of them is missing, prompting the thought that someone came in later and took it.”

Everyone nodded, and Dick hugged Hector. He was obviously very emotional and wishy washy. Everything narrowed his eyes. Something was not adding up. And the quokka was being awfully silent.

Everything sauntered up to LaFonda, staring him straight in the eyes. This went on for a few minutes, and everyone was getting uncomfortable. The uncomfortable that’s tangible. Pablo had entered the room (He’s the silence that gets really uncomfortable fyi). But he left quite soon. 

“WHAT DO YOU KNOW LAFONDA??? TELL MEEEEE!!!!” Everything grabbed the fluffy animal and shook it while he was screaming. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you!” LaFonda shrieked. “I’ll tell you everything!”

“You framed me LaFonda? How could you! I thought we were friends!” Hector seemed sad. It was a surprise she could actually show emotion. 

“When you moved in, you were the new pet of the house,” LaFonda grumbled.

“I’m not a pet…?” 

“Just let me talk, feline.”

The quokka was salty. 

“When you moved in, you were the new pet. Everyone loved you. Your tail and ears are super soft, trust me I know. I sneak in your room at night. But back to the point. You were the new fad, you are your furry cult. Everyone wants to be like you. I was jealous. So I brutally murdered Gregory and framed it on you because I know you hate dogs.” LaFonda nodded, his story now concluded. 

Everyone looked shocked. The quokka looks so innocent. 

Everything smirked. “You’re under arrest, LaFonda. You have the right to remain silent, whatever you say can and will be used against you in court.” This was all being said as LaFonda was being handcuffed and dragged to Everything’s car. Detective Everything had solved another case.

uWu

LaFonda was murdered in prison for being a terrible person. Nobody cared. The Stark household went on to love furries and support them. Detective Everything was still sassy and on the job. They all lived happily ever after. Except for LaFonda. The End.

 

Just kidding, they all died at the end. ;)

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this, I'm sorry. You deserve a hug.


End file.
